I've spent a lot of my life lost. The mountains are the only place where I feel like I belong and my life has purpose. All of the petty drama of day to day affairs can get left behind, and I can simply live. I think Henry David Thoreau said it best in Walden:
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”
The more I experience of life in my current community, the harder it is for me to find any sort of meaning to life. People obsess, and fight, and agonize over trivial matters as if they are the pinnacle of our existence. I've seen enough of people. Nothing I am doing right now really matters in the grand scheme of things. I am but one person out of 7 billion, and instead of trying to make up a reason why my life matters, I want to just live. People spend too much time trying to make themselves feel important, but the reality is that each of us is just a tiny speck in this huge universe. Sitting in one spot your whole life just trying to make yourself feel special is a waste of time. I want to spend each day moving forward, exploring, and learning about the world.
So I am going to do just that. I am done worrying about making other people happy, or trying to conform to the norms of a community where I feel like an outcast, or pretending to care about the daily grind. I am going to pack up all my belongings, take the one living being I feel a true connection to (Roxy my shepherd), and spend each day living.
